The Shopping Channel

Do we have this in Germany? I remember it from the States, but I am never home during the day unless I am sick, and if I am sick I am not watching TV.

Anyway, I had to get the ironing done before packing for Iceland, and iron all those wonderful silk scarves I got done these past three weeks. I set up the board in the guest house where the TV is, and turned on the TV. Okay, we only get 3 channels (not like Bruce Springsteen sings, 57 channels and nothing on.... Two channels had test pictures, the third had the shopping channel on. It's better than nothing, so I let it rip.

The first item - advertised first in the original English, then with a Swedish commentator and Swedish phone number, then again in English with Swedish subtitles, and the final offer with extras stuff thrown in if you call within the next 15 minutes, and special telephone numbers for Denmark and Norway, too - was a steam iron.

Not your ordinary steam iron, but some miracle system that takes away odors and presses any material easily, just swish the nozzle over the cloth and it looks great. As I was ironing (and fussing at the weird corners some of my clothes have, this looked like something I really wanted, and only 990 Kronor, and a trial for 30 days! But no telephone here, so I took a pass on this.

Next up was an exercise bicycle for home use. It was easy on the joints! It trained all your muscles! It didn't take up much space! There were lots of before and after pictures of people who after using the thing for just 6 weeks were able to wear those modern tops that show off bits of your midriff. Well, I think I need one of those, too, but of course these are all just inflated claims. Then they interviewed Mark Spitz - for those of you too young to know, the won 7 gold medals in some Olympics many years ago (1972!), this good-looking hunk. He's now 56, but still looks great. Man, I had posters of him on my wall, just in a swimsuit with those 7 medals hanging around his neck. I was on the swim team, he was my idol! If he thinks this is a great thing, then I probably need one of these, too.

But again, the phone is in the other house, and I am too lazy to walk across. And anyway, I wouldn't be here when they deliver. How do you send back something like that, anyway? Won't fit in my mailbox, and won't easily fit at the post office at Konsum, either. You'd have to lug it back there in a massive box.

One to the next - a miracle, rechargeable, battery-operated floor sweeper. Works on carpet, on wood, on stone, swivels 360 degrees in both directions, picks up stuff you can't see, doesn't have a vacuum cleaner bag, which is an added plus. There are so many different kinds of - expensive - refills for VC that you sometimes have to buy a new vacuum cleaner because you can't get your hands on new bags. Anyway, this was so easy, even men could use it. Wow! And children loved it. And if you hurried, you would get two, and for an extra charge get one with a light on it.

Man, who makes all this great stuff? How have I lived without it up until now? Unfortunately, I was in the middle of fixing a scarf and you can't stop until it's done, so I missed calling on this one, too.

They must make a fortune.