Georg Schramm

It was decided that we needed to go see a live cabaret and not just watch movies all the time. The director of activities decided that Georg Schramm would be just what the doctor ordered. His new program, Thomas Bernhard hätte geschossen, was on at the Wühlmäuse Theater.

"But I don't know this guy!" - "Sure you do, he's on TV all the time."

I got called over one evening to watch - hm. Kind of a weird old guy with glasses and a leather glove over a paralyzed hand. I never really understand what he is going on about.

The place was sold out - people stood outside, pleading for tickets. Our friend's daughter decided not to come, her ticket was gone in an instant long before the show. We seemed to be some of the younger ones there, I was afraid this would be a horrible ha-ha German laugh-a-thon.

No way. This guy is great. With a completely straight face he just recites at an impossible speed the daily insanities of life, couples with some observations that do demand closer investigation. He shoots off at the German health system and its Mafia-like structures; the degenerate school system; Politicians from top to bottom (Köhler over Merkel to Wazzisname Jung, the minister of defense); the German economy (or lack thereof).

Some of his characters speak a Frankfurt dialect (the real one not that "other" one in the East) that I found hard to understand, I really had to concentrate. Behind me sat two guys who had a good, lout guffaw after every joke, so you always missed the first few words of the next statement. Another guy tried pointing this out to them and a short fight erupted: When you go to a cabaret you laugh! Yes, but you are not at home, there are 500 others in the room with you.

The ringing mobile phones were horrible - why can't people discover it is their phone and get it off? They have such distinctive ring tones.

Schramm make fun of the people coming in late - digging in for a seat only to discover that the seats were already taken, then beating a retreat. Schramm picked this up, asked for empty seats, made sure they got real comfy before he continued - I bet that couple won't show up late to a theater again!

The last part got kind of strange - his talk of blowing up stuff, of killing some of the idiots in power was a bit out of taste. But his analysis of how Hanns Martin Schleyer was transformed through his assassination from nasty, mean, former member of the Nazi SS (he joined in 1933) president of the Confederation of German Employers' Associations into a martyr that they even have named a sports arena after, was brutal but honest.

Now, if this guy could organize the people on the streets and the Stammtische, he could easily overthrow the government, judging from the applause he got for every analysis.

Gayle Tufts Rockt

I had been wanting to see Gayle Tufts, the American entertainer who has brought Dinglisch to a higher art form, for a couple of years. But as usual in Berlin, shows are on for weeks, so instead of dashing out to get a ticket I think: there will be another day. And then they are over.

Then WiseMan got a coupon for the show at half price on certain dates. Unfortunately, those dates corresponded to soccer games. We compromised. I went early to get a good seat, he came by bike after the Germany game just in time for the show and would not see the Austria-Poland game, just to accompany me. I appreciate the sacrifice.

It started out a little lame. The band was nice, but the first song didn't really knock me off my socks. But luckily, she was not just singing, there was lots of cabaret mixed in, and I finally realized that this was a big joke about the Madonna/Shakira/Célines of the world. If you observe carefully, her poster (with her hand up in the air) is indeed a persiflage of Céline Dion's poster, for her show on the same night in Berlin.

The jokes got better and the music, too (or it was something in the Chardonnay?). The strange thing was, that when they started playing Peter Maffay or old rock favorites, people started dancing in their seats, eventually getting up to dance when Gayle asked them to.

There was a nice song about the first time she walked along where the Wall was, and a very, very funny medley of songs about air (including a sequence of Marianne Rosenbergs "Er gehört zu mir"). Introducing this she quipped: America doesn't have the four elements air, water, wind and fire anymore. The new elements are television, Dunkin' Donuts, Botox and crack. ROTFL!

She made some very good points about Germans, especially German grandmothers, airing out the place as a solution to many problems, and the wonderful use of the word "So!", which I used at least 12 times today.

At one point she asked if there were any Americans in the place. WiseMan looked at me, and then I raised my hand, apparently I was the only one. After all the trouble I went to to become a German (1 - 2 - 3), I didn't think I would ever be able to say that I was an American again. But I did, and it was kind of fun, as I have been in Berlin as long as Gayle has. She joked that now she recognized me, we must have come over on the same plane. Except I spent the previous 15 years or so in Kiel.

Then she got into bi-national relationships and asked for a show of hands. Apparently, we were the only ones, so we got it again, this time with lights pointed at us, WiseMan trying to fade into the woodwork. And she launched into some really, really funny jokes about German-American relationships, I don't know that anyone else understood them, but we were both ROTFL. I mean, is she listening to us when we fight, or what??

She swarmed a bit for Obama, I don't know about him. I really don't trust him. And am very sad that Hillary did not manage to get through. She didn't mind the Silicon Valley guys, The Atlantic says, so they spent all their money on Obama. But then she went on to dig into the possibility of Americans actually electing McCain, the old man, and that was very funny again.

I want to know where she gets those clothes! I imagined wearing any of them to work, the guys would have heart attacks. We seem to be about the same size, but somehow, I don't think I could keep people's attention on programming wearing stuff like that, although it would be a gas to try it out on froshers some year.

So I had a lovely evening, I really enjoyed myself. The Chardonnay could have been a tad cooler, but the cheese was nice for nibbling. And the next show she has I have to make sure that I get tickets rounded up right away.